On visits and distance.

By 24th July 2017 No Comments

Recently, my Dad and Jane came to the UK for a wedding, and they bookended their time with us. I can’t even begin to explain how delighted I was that Dad was here. 

When he visited in January, we were in intensive care. Kai was in a seizure coma having a rough time of it. He hadn’t opened his eyes, he hadn’t cried, he was floppy like a rag doll.It was a tough time. We even had a ‘just in case’ baptism in our little intensive care bay. 

That visit was a world away from this one, where Kai was awake and vocal and a very very very different baby. And to see the two of them together? To watch my Dad tickle Kai’s feet and to hear Kai sqwak in response? Heartwarming. To watch Dad play with Kai, have cuddles and laugh with him and generally just delighting in Kai?

I loved it. Loved loved loved it.

We did a fantastic Kew Gardens visit. We hung out in our local park on the heatwave days London’s been having recently. We just spent time together. Nothing fancy, just passing the hours in the most simple, wonderful of ways.

All this perfect time with them highlighted how very far away New Zealand is. I hate that distance, that time with my NZ family is always measured in days. Not weeks or months or years, just a handful of days here and there.

If I was so excited they were here, I loathed saying goodbye. There were tears from all of us. It was tough. Goodbyes are always tough, and there’s always the question of will this be the last time? Or will we be granted more time, with all of us together?

While I’m grateful we had the chance to spend some time together, I’m so sad at that again there is so much distance. It’s rough. Even worse is that because we can’t travel with Kai, not the two long haul flights with a layover (if anything happened on the way, or in the stop over we would be completely and utterly stuck) we’ll never get to New Zealand with Kai. Not at this point. 

And I’m heartbroken at that idea. That Kai will never see where he came from. That he’ll never swim at the beaches I grew up on, or walk the streets of my hometown. He’ll never go to a school that teaches Maori, and never understand the kiwi colloquialisms. Heartbroken. Completely heartbroken.

Oh New Zealand, why are you so far away?

If someone could event a teleporter and set the price at affordable, that would be brilliant. 

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