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It’s Mikaere’s birthday in October. This was us at his last birthday. I am broken without him, so wildly, messily broken. I miss him, and I don’t think there are words to really explain what this feels like. It’s like there is a hook beneath your ribcage and it’s pulling you forward when every atom of your being wants to go BACK, back to when he was here, when we could touch him and love him and be with him, cuddle and care for him, and him smile or sleep or frown and instead the world keeps moving forward and it is AGONY.
It’s agony living when he does not.
It’s his birthday next month. I don’t know how to navigate daily life yet, so the idea of celebrating feels beyond my capabilities. And yet, the idea of NOT celebrating feels horrific and WORSE. So we celebrate. Doing a fundraising walk felt doable, I feel like I can do that. The only walk I know in October is a Halloween one. So I’m doing that. It might be inappropriate, looking back, but I’m already signed up now.
The reason I’m sharing is to ask if you will join me. I’m not sure I can do this, not really. I could really use some friends, to walk with me. Through the walk but also through this time, because it’s so hard. It’s so so hard to keep moving forwards. I miss him so very very much, to the detriment of everything else.
10km, on the 26th of October, 3pm in London (starts in Kennington).
Walk with me? from Instagram: https://instagr.am/p/C_0RVDCInJY/
